Serious Business: HFS Awareness

Hello to all of you “in the know,” we’re putting together our first out-reach initiative for the Anti-HFS Movement! We’re thinking fundraisers, 5k bicycle rides, and who knows, maybe even a coffee line (‘cause if that hunk of a man, McDreamy, can do it then why can't we?).

Woah, back-up. What the hell’s a HFS and good God, do I have it? Good question and I hope by the end of this blog post, you will be much more informed because while it may be a novel acronym, it is most certainly not a new disease.

HFS:

 Helpless

 Female

 Syndrome

Yep, that’s right. Helpless Female Syndrome. Ladies, have you ever been stranded on the side of the road because you couldn’t properly change your tire or perhaps, you don’t even own a 5 mil and have to take your bike to a LBS every time it squeaks? Do you b*tch, moan, and make the poor sap (who decided to date you) go to the store, make you dinner, buy your Midol, and rub your feet?* 

If, while reading the symptoms above, you nodded your head slowly or gave a faint chuckle that was quickly followed by a glance around the room to see who heard, you may be a victim of HFS. Now don’t get me wrong, not even bike gossip girl is immune to such a rampant syndrome as I’ve batted these long lashes once or twice to get what I want from those “so muscle-y and strong.” However, I’m fed up with the frequency of such events that I’ve observed in the peloton. Goodness Gracious! We’re racing our bicycles at 28 mph and risking our lives everyday that we head out on the road, and you can’t even pump up your own goddamn tires? That’s a problem - no, wait, that’s a syndrome and it now has a name – HFS – and I’ve got great plans to combat it once and for all.

Stay tuned at Bike Gossip Girl throughout the season and we’ll have updates via the research and development team behind HFS and at-home advice/remedies that you can use to fight this terrible, terrible disease.

You know you love me.

XOXO,

bike gossip girl

P.s. Who’d want to start an awareness movement without a signature plastic wristband (though likely to wind up in the Pacific Ocean and kill baby dolphins...)? Not us! We’re thinking lots of glitter. Coming to a peloton near you.

*In professional cycling, HFS need not solely apply to those without junk in the front, if you know what I mean**

** Apologies for the atrocious double negative but we just couldn’t forgive ourselves if we were to rob an unsuspecting Junior of its innocence without first experiencing the joys of a 52-11.